As I've recently fallen in love all over again with a childhood pleasure, "Doogie Howser, M.D.", I've caught myself in the web of a lighthearted, fairytale like debate: which kid phenomenon television character would you most like to be? Though I know there are many to choose from, I’ve begun my search among a selection of four gifted young men. Doogie Howser (the 16 year-old genius doctor), Henry Rowengartner (the kid with the rocket arm who pitches for the Chicago Cubs), Billy Heywood (the kid who becomes owner and manager of the Minnesota Twins) and Calvin Cambridge (Lil’ Bow Wow playing in the NBA). So many fun options, how do I decide?
Doogie is cool, confident, admirable and yet the most innocent person to walk the face of the earth, especially when compared to Neil Patrick Harris’ later characters of the hound dog icon Barney in “How I Met your Mother” or his self perverted portrayal in “Harold and Kumar Go To White-Castle”…not like there’s anything wrong with that, right Coach Smith? Doogie’s a successful doctor with the hottest girl in school for a girlfriend.
As hot as Wanda may be, she ranks 2nd to Henry’s honey Becky (Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine, otherwise known as the smokin’ jockete goalie Julie “The Cat” Gaffney from Mighty Ducks). Wish I could impress Becky with my motorboat. Furthermore, as impressive as checking for a hernia may be, Henry’s got the edge as a professional athlete, not to mention being a big league pitcher for the Chicago Cubs who strikes out the greatest hitter of all-time Barry Bonds and wins a World Series…it’s just cooler.
However, as much as I’d like to spend my summer on the diamond, I prefer the hardwood. Therefore, I’d rather hoop it up and slam it down as a NBA player in Los Angeles like Calvin Cambridge (Lil’ Bow Ow-get-the-driver-off-me). Though the youngest of our contestants is without a girlfriend to compare, the adorable Jonathan Lipnicki in his loyal, fight a bully for you, “Jerry Maguire” like appearance is hard to turn down for a best friend. Come to think of it, the best buds in the other movies are jealous, complaining and getting you in trouble. Not only does Calvin get to live off his own success as the NBA’s most popular player, but his adopted dad plays in the league as well..not to mention daddy’s a more impressive All-Star caliber player than the two down and out big leaguers who assume stepfather roles for Henry and Billy.
Despite my dying desire to have Henry’s arm or to be in Calvin’s shoes, their gift of greatness is short lived as neither character lasts more than one season before returning to the regular kid on the playground. Therefore, my only options for long term success are to be Doogie or the teenage Billy Heywood who lives out my personal fantasy of inheriting ownership of a professional team and making himself the head coach…I mean manager. Pardon my goodwill morals I’ll leave at the door as I’ll take sports over medicine any day. Even though Billy relieves himself of being manager after just one season, as owner he has the ability to make himself manager again when he’s done fishing in a stream with no fish, especially given he proved himself to be a successful coach. Billy wasn’t just some kid who luckily got rich and with no qualification made himself manager of his team. No no no. Billy had more knowledge of both baseball strategy and the history of the game than anyone, so essentially like Howser, he’s a genius. Not only will his talent never fade, his knowledge of baseball will only grow with time. As one of my co-workers put down the idea of being Billy given he lives in Minnesota, I remind you that the indoor stadium creates a year round play area, not to mention being a teenage millionaire and team owner allows him to leave the twin cities whenever he pleases.
But hey, that’s my choice, what’s yours?
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