Alphabetical American Anarchy

After a short holiday hiatus, the alphabetical countdown is back. This time it’s my favorite letter “C,” which stands for my not so favorite (though often necessary) beverage, “Coffee.”

Scientists at the University of Nevada extracted oil from used Starbucks coffee grounds to create bio-diesel fuel. The antioxidants in the commodity make it a more stable fuel-source than other bio-diesel alternatives. Engineers claim, “It won’t be a complete fix for reducing America’s dependence on oil, but it can be a help while at the same time providing a nice aroma for those in the vicinity...the exhaust actually smells like coffee.”

I can say that I have used bio-diesel fuel made from corn. The gas mileage was unfortunately very poor. It actually cost about as much as filling up with gas because I had to refill again so quickly – so that makes this whole concept seem kinda bunk. However, these scientists are at least thinking creatively. Using a waste product to create a new product is an underappreciated idea. I mean, we have a use for cow shit; why not used coffee grounds?

While I’m still not sure why people aren’t working fully on a hydrogen fuel-cell car or, even better, a magnetized car moving with semiconductors, at least cool and smart tech initiatives like this are being funded. And hey, it’s futile to be a sane person in a crazy world. So I’ll just go fuck myself on this one.

On the positive side effect of smell - this could improve the smell pollution of many downtown metro areas. Not sure what it is about the big city, but sometimes you get these whiffs of air and you check around to see if there is a boxer standing next to you that happens to sweat cheese. Coffee is surely a strong enough odor to febreze the urban underbellies.

The engineers behind the theory claim that a minimal amount of processing is required to convert coffee into biodiesel – resulting in coffee-fuel being about $1/gallon.

That sounds pretty fucking sweet to me. I know we’re living in a little gas-holiday still with the cost almost halving the peak it hit this summer, but there cannot be any confusion that this price will go back up. With the demand for petro compounded on our still economically fractured asses giving out IOU’s to creditors around the world, it’s gonna get worse before it gets better.

There must be thousands of tons of coffee used each day in New England alone. Dunkin Donuts franchises are like the Black Plague. You can’t walk down the street and not see neighborhood carriers of the business. Although I’m not sure how Dunkin’s coffee converts against its “classier” competitor. Maybe premium coffee beverages make premium coffee bio-diesel? If so, it will just be another reason for Starbucks lovers to turn their noses up at other people who don’t want to spend $6 for a CUP of BEAN WATER.

I know, I know. That’s a cheap shot... But seriously... Starbucks eats balls.

~S. Caustic