Movies today: Not too Cocky?

Don’t take it the wrong way, I’m not thinking of sausages in any other context besides a snack outside Fenway Park. But after watching pervertedly sexual, romantic comedy “Zack and Miri Make a Porno” with a lady friend and comparing it to “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” and “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story” as we were walking out the theater, we had a unique conversation that I figured I should share with you all. In case you haven’t noticed because you’re a tree-hugging mangina who only reads books, there’s been a significant growth of cock in movies lately, something that used to be forbidden and unseen no matter how nipplicious a movie was. In these most recent movies, the dick show is very similar: guys just standing still, talking about something random as they just so happen to be naked. It isn’t a sex scene. They’re just…naked. Why not? Isn’t it a nice world to be in, to be naked on screen for no special purpose, not seen as out of the norm, just for the hell of it. That's the kind of world I’m enjoying living in, though I wasn’t inspired to strip down in the theater. I haven’t even had the balls to poke a hole in my popcorn box, just attempted to rub a girl between her legs…but it wasn’t on the money…and she had jeans on…what was I talking about again?

So we’re walking out of the movie and I ask the girl: “So did you enjoy all that dick? You got just as much dick as I got to see boobs”. She was like “ Well, it actually wasn’t that big of a deal. I like seeing the whole body, not just a close up of the package”. When do men ever complain of a close up on a rack., unless it’s the old saggy tits from Magna in “There’s Something About Mary”. Though I guess her comment made sense in terms of how women like different kinds of features on men’s bodies than we desire to admire on women’s. That’s not to say we only look for T&A, but how often do we judge women by their arms, shoulders and six-pack? Then the conversation took a whole new course, as to why men have it better than women. When a guy sees boobs in movies, close up or not, we are seeing them in their ideal and best form. Women on the other hand see men’s junk soft, hanging, often smaller than their full size, bunched up in the forest…basically its not always very impressive. Unfortunately for the women, most comedians who are willing to show their junk aren’t hung like a donkey at a Mexican county fair, so it would be like if the majority of topless women in movies were flat chested with pencil nipples. So don’t take this campaign of thought the wrong way, I’m not suggesting for bigger, stiff dicks in movies. I’m just pointing out that, ladies, it sucks to be you, yet I’m sure your time of glory will arrive before long. As for my fellow men: though the cost of going to the movies is lick a drop kick in the nuts, at least we get better entertainment value.

~Sir Charles